My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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