is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
