Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
