wat bout pragnant strippers??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
