just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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