dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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