and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
