best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
