she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
