My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
