I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
