i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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