Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
