My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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