I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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