That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
