I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
