dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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