I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
worst night to have a conscience
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
