What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
