I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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