I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
