i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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