I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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