He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
