whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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