I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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