Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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