What did we do last night that was yellow?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
