oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
