his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
