if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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