I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
