Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
