I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
