Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
