I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
