mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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