Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
