So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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