you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
