i don't like sucking hair
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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