Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's never too late to be topless.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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