Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
