I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he thought i was a dude.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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