I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
