I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
