On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize