You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The ass gains better be worth it
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