This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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