hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
