i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
