Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
