I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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