Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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