Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
