My boss' voice literally gives me gas
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
