becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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