so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
