You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
