I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
