Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
