Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
