Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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