You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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