So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
