I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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