"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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