I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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