I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
