I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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